Marriage is a commitment that most enter into with the hopes of being together for the rest of their lives. While marriage can be difficult in itself, the stressors of everyday life can add an additional layer of complication. When one or more partners are experiencing anxiety, it can cause a great deal of damage to even the healthiest of relationships. Whether you are newlyweds or if you have been in the game for a while, having anxiety as a third wheel in your marriage can result in conflict, hurt, and damage to your relationship.

Causes of Marital Anxiety

As exciting as marriage can be, it can, however, breed anxiety. When one or both spouses have feelings of uneasiness, worry, or apprehension, it can be difficult to enjoy the life you’ve built together. Anxiety has a way of causing distance and can lead couples who were once very close with each other to feel “miles apart.”

Research shows that so many factors can cause either anxiety. These factors can include growing domestic demands, expectations, toxicity within the workplace environment, substance abuse, and more. All of this can increase anxiety, especially if conflicts or concerns are left unresolved. Anxiety can be a shared experience in couples and left untreated can cause a great deal of difficulty.

The Impact of Anxiety in Marriage

A lot has been revealed about the effect of anxiety on an individual’s physical, emotional and behavioral health. It is equally important to consider how anxiety can impact the health of your marriage. It may be that only one partner has an anxiety disorder, but both spouses can feel and witness how anxiety can negatively affect their marriage. Here are some of the most common effects:

• Anxiety can affect your connection and destroy trust. The fear or worry caused by anxiety can numb your basic responsiveness in a given moment. If you are experiencing high levels of anxiety, it is only natural that you will have a hard time tuning into the needs of your partner. You may feel overwhelmed and worried about what can potentially happen, resulting in it being difficult for you to be attentive to what is going on around you. This can interfere with your emotional availability; thus, it is not surprising if you and your partner feel it difficult to connect intimately.
• Anxiety impacts our ability to express our true feelings. Keeping what you feel or need within yourself can be toxic, causing you to feel overwhelmed and defensive. The lack of intimate sharing can cause partners to hold back their emotions, which is often detrimental to the relationship.
• Anxiety can cause you to focus too much on your own concerns or problems. You may want to protect yourself in your marriage, but your overwhelming fears and worries could be putting unnecessary pressure on your relationship. Anxiety can build up resentment and may cause couples to react in negative ways.
• Anxiety can result in difficulty accepting daily situations. There is the tendency to reject or avoid things even if they are not dangerous or might be beneficial. Anxiety can also prevent you from doing what is necessary to change unfavorable situations because you feel hopeless or stuck.
• Anxiety can deprive you of joy. The negative thoughts and feelings caused by anxiety prevent you from experiencing connection and intimacy. When intimate moments have become an obligation, it may be a sign that your marriage needs help. Anxiety can hinder your ability to be present emotionally within a relationship, robbing you of the joy of a moment.
• Anxiety can lead to despairing behavior and jealousy. There can be an increased need for affection or attention from your partner. When not responded to with warmth and care, anxiety can be accompanied by insecurity even if nothing is really wrong. Anxiety can leave you with an unrealistic interpretation of comments or actions. Jealousy caused by anxiety can lead to controlling behaviors.
• Anxiety often makes it difficult to take care of your responsibilities. With anxiety, it can be difficult to fulfill your role in the family. This can cause stress to the other partner due to the additional responsibilities they will then need to take on.
• Anxiety can be emotionally draining for couples. When you feel nervous, edgy, and stressed out often it can be exhausting. This can leave your partner feeling concerned, worried or even angry.

Additional Impacts of Anxiety on Relationships

If you or your spouse has anxiety, your relationship may be filled with fears, worries, stress, etc. Anxiety can result in;

• Lingering questions or doubts about your relationship
• Excessive fear of committing a mistake or wrongdoing that may drive the other person out of the house
• Struggle with self-esteem and/or difficulty feeling worthy of the other partner’s love and tolerance
• Apprehension about the status your relationship
• Projection of worries and fears onto the other partner

Communication is an important element in marriages. However, it can be quite challenging to know how to communicate in the midst of anxiety. It can be difficult to express feelings and know how to react. Anxiety can steal enjoyment couples usually feel when together. Couples can drift apart and isolate from each other. In an attempt to cope some may begin abusing substances. The risk of infidelity, domestic violence and divorce is also common when marital stress reaches its limit.

Common Symptoms of Marital Anxiety

• Feelings of insecurity or tension when your partner is not physically around and a strong desire to locate his/her whereabouts
• Physical symptoms including panic attacks
• Persistent need for affection and attention
• Low self-esteem
• Difficulty your trusting partner
• Excessive irritability or anger
• Jealousy
• Destructive behaviors

Freeing Your Marriage from Anxiety

Anxiety, regardless of its level, can be detrimental to any healthy relationship. Admittedly, it is a challenge, but it does not mean anxiety has to forever interfere or ruin your marriage. Whether you or your partner is affected by an anxiety disorder, you can do something together to protect your marriage. Although you may want to alleviate anxiety on your own, it may also be beneficial to consider going to therapy together.

If anxiety is ruining your marriage, you have the power to work through it and come out stronger on the other side. Anxiety is treatable and it does not have to affect your most cherished relationships. Carolina Counseling Services – Cameron, NC contracts with therapists who can help. Call today to schedule your first appointment.

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• More Than Fear: Helping A Child Overcome It
• Can Therapy Help My Anxiety?