Conflict is a natural and unavoidable occurrence in marriages and other close relationships. It is often highest, though, with one’s spouse, compared to other relationships as affirmed by many couples who admit that conflict is common in their marriage.

Marital relationships can experience struggles due to the great deal of shared intimacy and interdependence between partners. This can result in the spouses being more vulnerable to one another. In addition to having different backgrounds, personalities, habits, and expectations; the rigors of life may present conflicts you are ready to resolve.

The Nature of Marital Conflict

In a journal published by Frank D. Fincham from the Psychology Department of the University at Buffalo, New York, the cause of marital conflicts can be related to things ranging from communication to finances, children, intimacy, household obligations, jealousy, or extended family. Sometimes what appears to be relatively minor on the surface has deeper meaning.

Apart from having impact on marital satisfaction, the prevalence of conflict in a relationship can also affect the couple’s health and is associated with other illnesses; including cancer, heart disease, and chronic pain. The hostile behaviors exhibited during conflict are related to the sudden changes in immunological, endocrine, and cardiovascular functioning.

The intensity and gravity of conflicts can range widely within couples. Some conflicts are considered mild disagreements or arguments, requiring minimal attention and causing short term effects. Some differences are long-standing struggles about significant issues that cause intense emotions and tension. Conflicts that persistently affect couples can be a threat to the stability.

Without conflict resolution skills, couples may be inclined to engage in fight, flight or freeze behaviors. This means fighting and staying angry, sometimes holding onto grudges. Fleeing is seen as the avoidance of important issues by ignoring your spouse or putting issues aside. Without any resolution, partners may “shut down” from one another.

Resolving Marital Conflict Constructively

While the term conflict can often conjure images of hostility in relationships, studies show that not all marital conflict has negative effects. The good news is that couples who engage in conflict in a healthy way can develop stronger connections, cohesion and harmony.  Conflict can allow for the opportunity to express feelings and devise creative ways to resolve problems.

The Notre Dame News published an article about new studies that confirm the impact of parental conflict on children’s development. The research found that the manner in how parents face marital conflicts has a significant effect on the children’s feeling about their security, which in turn, affects their emotional adjustment in the future. Unlike destructive conflict that can negatively affect children, conflict addressed constructively contributes to their social development and can help them cultivate a sense of security.

Since conflict can be an ingredient in many marriages, it is not about how you can avoid it, but how you can effectively meet it.  You and your spouse may disagree from time to time, but you have the option in how you will act in the face of conflict. The difference between a happy and an unhappy couple may lie in the way of its conflicts are treated.  Whether you engage in a lot of bickering, heated disagreements, or have stopped communicating completely, it could be one of the eight signs your marriage needs help.

Now is the Right Time to Seek Help

The struggles that can arise in many intimate relationships can be part of life. However, if you are concerned that your marriage, health and happiness are beginning to falter due conflict between you and your spouse, it may be time to seek professional help. When your efforts to work through your conflicts have not worked for you, the intervention of an expert can be incredibly useful.

When couples do not successfully negotiate conflict on their own, it can lead to years of marital unhappiness or its breakdown. Seeking marriage or couples counseling can be beneficial, instead of letting your concerns grow.  Call Carolina Counseling Services — Cameron, NC, on Hwy 87, near Linden Oaks and be matched with an independently contracted therapist who specializes in helping couples resolve marital conflict and discord. Schedule an appointment for your first session today!