Audio Version

Conflict is a natural and unavoidable occurrence in any relationship. It is often more frequent in romantic relationships. Marital partners can experience numerous struggles due to how intertwined their lives are. In addition to having different backgrounds, personalities, habits, and expectations; the rigors of life may present additional challenges that can lead to conflict. Conflicts can be resolved, but will rarely improve if ignored. 

The Nature of Marital Conflict

Frank D. Fincham, from the Psychology Department of the University at Buffalo, New York, states that the cause of marital conflicts can be related to things ranging from communication to finances, children, intimacy, household obligations, jealousy, or extended family. Sometimes what appears to be relatively minor on the surface has deeper meaning.

Apart from having an impact on marital satisfaction, the prevalence of conflict in a relationship can also affect your health and is associated with other illnesses; including cancer, heart disease, and chronic pain. Hostile behaviors exhibited during conflict are related to changes in immunological, endocrine, and cardiovascular functioning.

The intensity and severity of conflicts can range widely between couples. Some conflicts are considered mild disagreements or arguments, requiring minimal attention and causing only short term effects. Some differences are long-standing over significant issues that cause intense emotions and tension. Conflicts that persistently affect couples can wear away at the relationship.

Without conflict resolution skills, couples may be inclined to engage in fight, flight or freeze behaviors. This means fighting and staying angry, sometimes holding onto grudges. Fleeing is seen as the avoidance of important issues by ignoring your partner or refusing to discuss what happened. Without any resolution, partners may “shut down” with one another.

Resolving Marital Conflict Constructively

While the term conflict can often conjure images of hostility in relationships, studies show that not all marital conflict has negative effects. The good news is that couples who engage in conflict in a healthy way can develop stronger connections, cohesion and understanding.  Conflict can allow for the opportunity to express feelings and devise creative ways to resolve problems.

The Notre Dame News published an article about new studies that confirm the impact of parental conflict on children’s development. The research found that the manner in how parents face marital conflicts has a significant effect on the children’s feeling about their security, which in turn, affects their emotional adjustment in the future. Unlike destructive conflict that can negatively affect children, conflict addressed constructively contributes to their social development and can help them cultivate a sense of security.

Since conflict is an ingredient in many marriages, it is not about how you can avoid it, but how you can effectively address it.  You and your partner may disagree from time to time, but you have a choice in how you will respond to conflict.  

The Right Time to Seek Help

Conflict is present in almost all relationships, though that doesn’t mean that it gets resolved in a healthy way. Unfortunately, many wait until conflict has become toxic to seek help. Marriage counseling can be an effective intervention. 

When you find a couples counselor that is right for you many things can change for the better. Therapy creates a constructive space where you can process your feelings and learn to communicate your needs in a healthy way. A skilled licensed therapist can also teach you effective conflict resolution skills that can improve your relationship with your partner and others close to you. 

Carolina Counseling Services — Cameron Office contracts with marriage therapists who know how to address conflict and can help you and your partner move forward together. Call CCS today to schedule your first appointment. Online counseling sessions are also available making getting the help you deserve easier than ever before!