Does your small child grab your legs even when you just need to go to the bathroom or follow you around to keep you in sight? Clinginess is a healthy, natural stage in a child’s development, and it is alright for your little one to feel a little sad or scared at the thought of being separated from you. As with most things, this is all within reason. If this behavior becomes excessive and causes problems it may be worth taking a closer look. 

As children grow, they become more confident and independent as they begin to learn more about the world around them. While there may be triggers to their “Velcro moments”, such as teething, starting school or the birth of a new sibling, clinginess usually disappears as a child ages. There are, however, others who remain clingy, demanding attention and seeking safety, protection and reassurance from their primary caretakers longer than what is expected.

As a parent, it can be exhausting and frustrating to have an overly clingy child, especially if you need to get things done or need some time for yourself. More alarming is when your child frequently exhibits intense anxiety that is excessive and developmentally inappropriate for their age. If this is the case, your child may be experiencing a separation anxiety disorder.

Separation Anxiety: When Saying Goodbye is Painful

Young children normally feel worried or upset when facing routine separations from the significant people in their life, causing them to cling or refuse to part. It is natural for children to experience anxiety from time to time. For some children, however, separations are a frightening idea, leading them to believe that they will never get to see people important to them again because something bad will happen while they are apart. It would make sense if a child lives in an unsafe environment with imminent threats of danger to them or their caretakers, but separation anxiety can cause these worries when there is no imminent danger.

Separation anxiety disorder is a condition accompanied by fear and nervousness when a child is away from home or separated from the person whom the child is attached with, usually a parent or a caregiver. As the earliest and most common emotional disorder in childhood, separation anxiety is estimated to be prevalent in 4 – 5 percent of the young population. This disorder most often develops in children between the ages of five and seven and then to occur again when they become 11 to 14 years old. It is during these times when children are more likely to be challenged by the developmental tasks of starting school or beginning puberty.

For children, separation is a fearful notion because it is a threat to their greatest need – attachment. They desperately need the assurance that they will be taken care of. When facing separation, they become anxious because they perceive it as the absence of their attachment. This is the doorway where separation anxiety comes in.

The Impact of Separation Anxiety 

Separation anxiety presents more physical and observable signs in the preschool and early childhood years. A child may complain about stomach ache or general ailments, and exhibit difficult behaviors, such as clinging, refusal to part, screaming, and sometimes full-blown tantrums. These signs often disappear toward the weekends, but start to occur again on Sunday nights and Monday mornings, following vacations, holiday breaks, or a lengthy time at home due to illness.

Parents and teachers can recognize the signs that a child is struggling with separation anxiety after witnessing the recurring pattern of these behaviors. While many are able to move beyond their childhood fears of being separated from loved ones and learn to live independently, some children mature into adolescence bringing with them these persistent fears. Unfortunately for some youth, separation anxiety may emerge in adulthood for the first time following a stressful event or major trauma, such as divorce, death of a loved one, bullying, or relocation.

Unlike children, adolescents with separation anxiety disorder behave differently. Gone are the crying, clinging and tantrums. Instead, teens and adults may withdraw from their peers and prefer to stay home most of the time. Instead of attending school or social functions, they remain at home and even limit their adult desires. It may be more difficult to understand the disorder in an adolescent than in younger children. A careful assessment performed by a credible therapist can determine what treatment may be necessary.

When separation does happen, these children appear withdrawn, apathetic, and lacking in concentration at work or play. Depending on age, fear of certain things, such as monsters, kidnappers, burglars, animals, or perhaps a situation like a boat ride or another event can be perceived as dangerous resulting in excessive anxiety.

Within the family, separation anxiety disorder may negatively affect family life and other relationships due to the excessive demands that can result. Parents may become stressed as they try to maintain their schedules, routines and household obligations. It is often frustrating for the family and can lead to resentment or conflict at home. It is not surprising for many children and teens with separation anxiety disorder to suffer from depression, as well.

The bottom line is that separation anxiety disorder can impair or interfere with a child or teen’s daily functioning. The fear felt can cause them to become isolated from family and peers, and experience difficulty in establishing and maintaining relationships. Separation Anxiety can lead to missed opportunities to learn new things and enjoy fun activities.

Easing Your Child’s Fear of Separation

It is natural for children to feel a little worried or anxious whenever you say goodbye. At times, they can be a bit clingy and refuse to part with you. After all, clinginess is sometimes a small child’s common response to separation.

If your child, however, continues to experience intense fear at the thought of separating from you or is so afraid to leave home this can interfere with usual activities at home, school and at play. This may be a sign of a larger issue: your child may be suffering from separation anxiety disorder.

There are signs and symptoms of anxiety parents should know so that they may intervene. Recognizing and acting on symptoms when you start to notice them can decrease your child’s distress. 

Separation Anxiety is treatable. Finding a knowledgeable therapist can make a big difference. Look no further than Carolina Counseling Services – Cameron, NC. 

When treatment is started early, your child can start to lessen their anxiety and enjoy a much calmer life with a greater sense of security. Call CCS today to schedule your first appointment.

Related Articles:

• Signs of Anxiety in Children You May Not be Aware of
• More than Fear: Helping a Child Overcome It