Parenting is a serious and challenging job, even when you are doing it with a co-parent. As a single parent, each and every task and issue are in your “court,” having no other “soul” to pass your despairs on. From changing diapers and feeding the baby to taking them to school and providing everything they need, solo-parenting is tough – it is only for the lionhearted.

Unfortunately, there are things in life that you have little control over. When you run out of options, the bravest thing to do is to face the challenge and make the best out of the situation. During the low points in your life, you can choose to be a brave single parent, but that does not mean you must be alone in sailing through your issues. You can seek help. A proactive stance is to work with a counselor.

The Truths About Single Parenting

Single parenting is like a rollercoaster ride that never takes a break – staying awake as you nurse your child with temperature running over 100 degrees, doing the laundry until midnight, while planning the meals, the grocery, and of course the tasks at the workplace. While many people know the challenges of a single parent, only those who are actually doing the job understand what it is like to be in a tumultuous ride 24/7. If you want to brace for what’s to come, here are some hard truths about single parenting:

• You will become a tightwad. Considering the expenses involved in raising a child and having a functional home, you need to make more money to financially support two or more people. This can cause you to be defensive, insofar as your source of income is concerned, and maybe even becoming paranoid about losing your job too. You also learn to cut back on your wants and shopping. You will learn to penny pinch, justifying your every purchase.

• You will have a nil to zero social life. Working overtime, maybe even two jobs to fill the family coffer while caring for your child is not easy. It will take a toll on your social life. Your child comes first, so visiting a sick friend, attending a wedding or having a cocktail with your fellow workers must take the backseat. You have small errands – a visit to the pediatrician for an immunization, a dental checkup, or stocking up the pantry – that you would rather do if and when you find time.

• Making tough decisions is certain. Every decision you make is difficult because there is no one to share the rewards and drawbacks resulting from it. “Darned if you do, darned if you don’t!” so goes the saying. This means that you must make those decisions, no matter how tough the consequences can be because your child’s life depends on it.

• You will become vulnerable to a lot of negative emotions. Sailing through single parenthood can bring about a lot of reasons to remember painful events, and it can hurt every time. When your toddler starts attending a prep school, he/she may start asking questions like: “Why is it that I don’t have a dad like my friend ______.?” There will be more of these as he/she grows up. You would like to tread very carefully, not wanting to hurt them or cause them to feel different. It can worsen during their adolescence. You need to stay calm and secured yourself, or you can become an emotional wreck.

• Asking for help is proactive – it is the way to go. Raising your child alone is not only difficult; it is impossible. Have you heard of the adage “It takes a community to raise a child”? You do not need to run to the absent parent with each concern that arises in your lives. You do not need to wallow or pity yourself either at every turn. There are other forms of help available for single parents – your family, friends, and other single parents. One proactive form of help that can stabilize your life is counseling.

Common Challenges of Single Moms

Single parenthood is a crash course in many life lessons and skills – fiery independence, perseverance, adjustment and compromise, and problem-solving. It is also becoming a more common reality for women. Did you know that “In 2017, more than 8 million US families were headed by single moms, compared to less than 3 million in 1970?” (Morgan, Chase and Co.)

Imagine what daily life is like for these women. Overcoming challenges on their own can be a daily chore. It is, therefore, quite ordinary that many single parents are overwhelmed. What are the most common issues that single parents experience? Nicole Caccavo Kear of the Seleni Institute identified the following challenges:

“Challenge 1: Having no one to tag in.” You are in this flight without a co-pilot… round the clock…. 24/7. That’s tough. Everyone needs a moment for oneself – to process the occurrences, feel the emotions, smell the flowers. Having no one you trust to give you a breather can deplete your passion about life, about many things.

“Challenge 2: Self-doubt.” Are you making the right decisions? With your emotional and physical challenges, you may find yourself doubting your decisions, convictions, commitments and ideals. Not having a co-parent can mean not having someone to rely on or reinforce all of what you believe and zealous about.

“Challenge 3: Making decisions solo.” Are you going to treat your child with iron hands or with kid gloves? It is difficult to be certain because when there is no one to critique or challenge your choice, no one can offer another or an opposing perspective. While conflict may arise during decision making, there is no doubt that it is a potentially productive process.

“Challenge 4: Missing the kids when they’re with their other parent.” Being so used to having your child around, it could be emotionally difficult when he/she has to visit the other parent. It is, unfortunately something that you must do to abide by certain moral and/or legal rules.

“Challenge 5: Stress and anxiety about money.” Having nobody to tag in, you must assume all responsibilities, from keeping a clean house to putting food on the table and seeing that the child is educated. Doing all of these every day and until the child becomes an independent adult is so taxing. It is also financially strenuous.

“Challenge 6: Accepting a different family than you planned to have.” Having eight million single-parent households can never be a justification to have one. It is not natural that a child would grow up with only one parent. Faced with the reality, however, the present parent has no choice but fill both shoes. Being both is tough. It can be tougher when faced with other complications – another marriage, loss of job or debilitating/chronic medical issue.

“Challenge 7: Losing a sense of self.” Unsure of your decisions, confused of your roles, and troubled with so many challenges, it is easy to fall deeply into negative emotions. Loneliness, fear, guilt, grief, etc., you can lose your sense of self and of your dreams, aspirations and wishes. You are not Wonder Woman. Seek help.

Embracing the Challenges with Counseling

There is no question that single parenthood is extremely challenging, but it is not a completely fruitless endeavor. Being a single parent gives you the opportunity to be an incredibly empowered single parent who can face challenges and overcome them with confidence. It can open a pathway for many possibilities and to live a potentially enriching experience. Having a single parent can also benefit the children, saving them from the distressing effects of an unhappy marriage that bred an unhealthy or damaging family environment.

The road is rough and full of challenges, but you can overcome all these with confidence if you will allow yourself to be helped. Help isn’t too far away now with Carolina Counseling Services – Cameron, NC near Linden Oaks, in the neighborhood.  Talk to us. Are you doubting yourself and your decisions? Our independently contracted counselors can offer you alternatives. Do you need a sounding board? Qualified therapists are ready to listen. Life doesn’t need to be lonely and difficult when you are a solo parent. Embrace the challenges of a single parent with confidence with an independent counselor with CCS. Your load can become a little lighter!

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