We humans are social creatures, it’s only natural that we would look to others for emotional support. Fundamentally, this kind of connection is often first developed and sought from one’s family. Families can have a lot of intense emotions toward one another, it is inevitable that conflicts will arise. Often, these conflicts come about due to misunderstandings and gaps in communication. If conflicts go on for long enough without resolution it can cause a great deal of damage to any familial relationships. If this sounds familiar, you aren’t alone!

When conflicts arise there can be a lot of negative emotions that come about such as worry, pain, blame, and guilt. These feelings can damage family relationships and negatively impact family dynamics. Without conscious effort, these conflicts can easily escalate into much bigger ones. Actively improving communication can lead to the resolution of conflicts and improved relationships.

Communicating well with your loved ones can be difficult. Family counseling can make it easier.

What Is Good Family Communication?

It is widely held among experts that poor communication and conflicts are among the hallmark indicators of a dysfunctional family. For most separated couples or struggling families, “Communication may be strained, ineffective, or nonexistent,” leading to a whole host of complications. “While a certain amount of conflict is expected in a family, constant, heated conflict is not.” When a family has poor communication, serious arguments can easily occur, even when there are only minor differences in opinions or perceptions.

Communication can become strained or ineffective in even the most close-knit families. Understanding the value of good communication is important. Healthy communication skills can be difficult to learn and/or use when you or a family member is overwhelmed by anger, disappointment or by other negative feelings or intrusive symptoms. When a family member is experiencing symptoms of depression, anxiety, addiction or some other condition there can be an added layer of difficulty when it comes to communicating. Not wanting to aggravate the situation, it is a natural inclination for family members to withdraw or avoid each other.

Good communication within a family can create an atmosphere where it is easier for everyone to express their thoughts and feelings, no matter how difficult the topic. This can contribute to resolving conflicts and disagreements, and in strengthening your relationships. Good communication can help families with their personal challenges and other problems at home.

The Impact of Poor Communication

“You cannot, not communicate,” they say. This means that everything you say or do is a way of communicating. Communication is a “given,” even when you are not actually talking. We tend to spend a great deal of time with our families, hence there is a lot of communication going on whether we are aware of this or not.

Just as good communication can foster many constructive benefits, ineffective or harmful communication can bring about misunderstanding, arguments and conflict. What is “bad” family communication? Just as good communication can take varied forms, so can bad communication. It can be described as toxic and damaging. This can include swearing, yelling, using abusive or berating words, and name calling.

Blaming, imposing guilt, focusing on the mistakes of a family member, name calling, using threats and/or ultimatums, are negative ways of communicating. Also, keeping information from one another, as well as not talking or giving the “silent treatment” to your loved ones can also be forms of toxic or poor communication. All these can be harmful to your family.

Research shows that family communication can play a large role in child development. According to Samek and Rueter (2011), authors of “Associations between family communication patterns, sibling closeness, and adoptive status” posted in Journal of Marriage and Family, “family communication plays a role in the positive development of children, teenagers, and young adults.” Thus, “families with poor communication are less likely to identify as being close to one another.” Negative ways of communicating can be damaging to anyone involved. This type of communication has even been found to lead to higher rates of depression and anxiety, as referenced by Xiao, Li and Stanton (2011).

Is this Your Family?

The value of healthy communication cannot be underestimated. Despite one’s best effort to communicate, our words or gestures may still be misinterpreted. Others may read what you are saying in a different light, depending on their current state of thinking, emotions and maybe even a previous dynamic. It is not uncommon to feel that you can be more “raw” with family members causing us to be less mindful of our words and actions, offending others without intending to do so.

When confrontations are frequent, avoidance of family celebrations or get-togethers can become habitual. This can be a warning sign that something needs to change. While avoidance makes sense, it rarely solves the problem.

How to know if your family needs help to improve communication

Are your family relationships suffering because you argue so much? Are family members staying away from or ignoring each other? Is it hard to remember the last time you had fun as a family? If you answered “yes” to any of these questions your family may need to work on improving their communication. Family counseling can be remarkably helpful with this.

Improving Communication with Counseling

Family counseling can be a significant element in improving communication. It can improve the quality of exchanges, both in words and behavior, helping to untangle misunderstanding in an efficient manner. Therapy can similarly help family members to be more sensitive or conscious of their nonverbal communication or actions.

Family counseling can help the sharing of family responsibilities become possible, improving your dynamics and support for one another. It can help restore and strengthen your family relationships and increase feelings of happiness, love, appreciation and support. During family tragedies, counseling can help, not only in healing and surviving the crisis, it can also help you to grow stronger together.

Now is the time to turn toward each other rather than away. If you feel your family could use some help in improving your communication, don’t wait. Carolina Counseling Services – Cameron, NC contracts with licensed therapists who can help your family. Call today to schedule your first appointment!

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